Coaching & Mentoring Young Women High School, College & Beyond
APPALACHIAN STATE UNIVERSITY
Walker School of Business & Women's Center
My main purpose for being here this evening is to provide information and a challenge. I want you to leave here inspired with the confidence that within you, lies the key to your success; both in school and in life. Over the course of my lecture, I am going to share personal and business experiences. Hopefully, you will be able to relate to some of them. Yet these are my stories, what is more important is what are yours.
Many times when I give speeches and often at book signings, men and women come up to me for coaching advice and say that they want to do what I do. They ask me how I got here. What classes did I take? What did my resume look like?
My response differs with the situation and the person who is asking the question, but one thing remains the same. I share that I am living my vision. What I am doing right now, in front of you sharing what I've learned and am learning is my destiny. It may look glamorous, but it isn't always. What is most important is to find your own purpose, discover the strengths and abilities you possess to help you realize your dreams and have the courage to go after them.
A few weeks ago, I was on a whirlwind author tour in Colorado. I saw over 20 bookstores in two days and traveled over 500 miles. I was scheduled to appear on a major TV station (FOX) and had interviews lined up with some large newspapers. The bookstores ordered books on the strengths of my promotional work.
When I got there, the TV station bumped my interview for Senators talking about campaign reform. The newspapers wanted to wait on the interview and I was left trying to personally promote my books to the stores. How did I feel? Frustrated, let down and a little panicked that I wouldn't be able to create demand for my book. So I didn't feel like a celebrity coming to town, I felt like a woman possessed.
I lost perspective and drove myself to the point that I became very sick, couldn't talk, and couldn't give a speech I was supposed to give. I wonder what that was telling me?
In spite of my success, I lost my sense of balance. I was in Colorado for two reasons: 1) To promote my book and 2) to be with my daughter who is the National Champion for the United States Competition Climbing Association (Rock Climbing) for 11 and under girls in the United States. She was training with a well known world-class climber and coach, Robyn Erbesfield-Rabatou.
In my panic over trying to make the book a success, I focused only on reason one and after I became sick was able to focus on reason two and add another; reason three was to take better care of myself.
I'm sharing this with you because so many times, things happen to us in life we don't count on. The key to our success lies in how we deal with these "stones in the road." Mary Chapin Carpenter sings in her song "Stones in the Road" from her Live CD:
And the stones in the road
They fly out from beneath our wheels
Another day another deal
Before we get back home
The stones in the road
They leave a mark from whence they came
A thousand points of light or shame
Baby, I don't know.
A stone.
Yes it is a sobering, hard hitting thought. When we reach the pinnacle, and get to that distant goal. What did it cost us to get there? How did we conduct ourselves along the way? And more specifically, will you be satisfied with the way you have lived your life?
Before you get depressed and start to feel down. I want to share some statistics with you that point to what I am saying.
Statistics
It is a well documented fact (please see the NAWW findings as well as the ground breaking book by Peggy Orenstein, Young Women Self-Esteem, and the Confidence Gap that girls, as young as middle school show a difference in academic performance. Of course this varies according to race and economic position, but what is consistent is that girls tend to underachieve in middle school and high school, especially in the subjects of math and science.
How does this translate into educational attainment after high school? Let look at statistics provided by the U.S. Census taken in the year 2000.
- Educational Attainment Total Population
- Educational Attainment Males
- Educational Attainment Females
- Average Earnings Males vs. Females
Out of a total population of aged 15 years and older 213,773,000 both male and female:
- 21% did not graduate high school
- 31% were high school grads
- 18% had some college-no degree
- 6% received an associates degree
- 14% a bachelor's degree
- 4% a Master's
- and less than 2% a Professional Degree or PhD
| Educational Attainment-Males | |
| Total Male Population | 103,114,000 |
| High School Grad | 30,859,000 |
| Some college-no degree | 18,927,000 |
| Associates | 6,500,000 |
| Bachelors | 15,700,000 |
| Masters | 5,205,000 |
| Professional/PhD | 2,200,000 |
| Educational Attainment-Females | |
| Total Female Population | 111,660,000 |
| High School Grad | 35,415,000 |
| Some college-no degree | 21,048,000 |
| Associates | 8,200,000 |
| Bachelors | 16,056,000 |
| Masters | 5,322,000 |
| Professional/PhD | 1,452,000 |
Other than the obvious: there are more women than men, an important point to note is that a larger percentage of men go on to professional/PhD degrees than do women. Next, let us take a look at the difference in earnings for men and women.
| Difference in Earnings for Males and Females | ||
|---|---|---|
| Male | Female | |
| Total Population Avg. | $40,275 | $23,551 |
| High school | $30,414 | $18,092 |
| Some College/Associate | $35,326 | $22,687 |
| Bachelor's Degree | $57,706 | $32,546 |
| Advanced Degree | $84,051 | $46,307 |
So what do we gather from this data? That there is a tremendous inequity between earned income across the board between men and women. Fact, yes but what we do not know is the difference in quality of life.
What we can see is that the level of income improves with the level of education achieved. Translated into; go to school and stay in school and go to the highest level you desire in order to maximize your income potential.
These two points are not new. Most likely you have heard them before. What may be shocking to many of you are the cold hard facts. And these are the facts, despite of tremendous inroads of women into business, despite of coaching and mentoring programs and encouraging more women to go into fields related to math and science which tend to lead to higher paying jobs.
So what do we do? Earlier I mentioned Peggy Orenstein I had the chance to meet her and hear her speak at the Girls Real Lives Conference. I was in attendance because I was asked to present a program about coaching and mentoring between women in the business community and middle school and high girl schools. My program was titled Gutsy Girls Do Business. The girls who attended were very enthusiastic, didn't want to leave and said they hoped we would do the program again.
After Peggy's speech which was very sobering, much like these statistics, I felt a little bit like an alien in a strange country. Although, I was outraged about many of the injustices in not only the educational system, but in society as well, I couldn't help but feel optimistic.
From my personal experience, I had achieved great things and made a lot of money, especially in professions that were male-dominated. Although there were times when being a woman may have held me back or cut in to the money I made, I believe there were many others times, that being a woman was an asset. I suffered through a division head at one company who made rude and harassed employees was eventually fired, yet I was given free reign to achieve my potential because my position was performance based and I performed! Even though I had suffered his crass comments, I was still able to achieve everything I wanted to achieve.
As I pondered my thoughts and feelings, it came to me. While Peggy Orenstein and many of the women and men in the large auditorium were doing things to make a difference in the outer world, I was more interested on making changes in the inner world. You see, I don't have enough patience to wait for the world to change so that I can feel better about myself or so that I can achieve my goals.
My interest lies in inspiring each of you in finding your sense of balance of being centered, even when the world around you is unfair and crazy. So many things happen that are outside of our control. September 11. Random searches at the airport. We get sick. Don't get accepted into the college of our choice. We get passed up for a promotion.
In reality, there is always someone with more and always someone with less. If we measure our self-worth and success based on others, we will probably been less than satisfied with our lives. On the other hand, if we measure our success based on our personal goals, on how close we come to achieving our vision and how well we use our god-given talents, we can feel satisfied, even in the face of adversity.
So how do we do this?
My book, The Seven Aspects of Sisterhood deals directly with understanding yourself first before you can get along with others. It also details several ways to help you discover your purpose and vision. Understanding of self; your personality and inherent strengths and weaknesses will go along way to helping you achieve your goals and being satisfied no matter how someone else is acting. In other words, it gives you confidence. This is the very type of confidence that is lacking in our world today. I believe it is the very same lack of confidence that keeps women in a lower pay scale and holds them back.
In the first chapter I write, "What we show to the world as personality and the search for our true self-becomes a balancing act. As we observe the work that goes into this act of balance, we are able to identify with the struggles of everyone else who is doing the same. This recognition leads to identification with the common denominator we al face--human nature-and enables us to see the personality and actions of others with a nonjudgmental point of view."
That is true for both men and women. Yet with women, I believe that in many ways we have a lot more freedom that men to express ourselves. In other words, it is okay for a woman to be driven, action-oriented and analytical. Many stay-at-home moms use these attributes everyday as the schedule and organize their families and shuffle kids to and from soccer practices. Women are also encouraged to show our feelings, be spontaneous, nurturing and go with the flow.
It is not true for men. Society, especially American society, encourages men to have the masculine attributes of being action-oriented, driven and analytical, but frowns upon men who lean towards expressing the more feminine attributes of being chaotic, nurturing, and spontaneous.
So what do we do with this freedom?
"Today's women are facing a transition; there is a global change in the air. The wind is shifting towards a new paradigm of what it means to be a woman. There is a groundswell of support to view both men and women as not only our physical bodies, but as also being something more. This something more encompasses our emotions, our hopes and dreams, our inner voice and every, and is the essence of who we truly are. The awareness that comes with this recognition is our connection to the collective unconscious. When we listen to this inner awareness, it becomes our unique road map towards wholeness that can steer us through the chaos of daily life."
Life is a process, not a one time performance. Enjoy the ride, stones in the road and all.
