Roles We Play
How they affect our interactions with others
Taken from a program at Appalachian State University
Walker School of Business
"Successful leadership begins with leading yourself." began the program for over 200 students at the Walker School of Business. "What we show to the world as personality and the search for our true self becomes a balancing act. As we observe the work that goes into this act of balance, we are able to identify with the struggles of everyone else who is doing the same. This recognition leads to identification with the common denominator we all face-human nature- and enables us to see the personality and actions of others with a nonjudgmental point of view." states Debra J. Gawrych in her latest book, The Seven Aspects of Sisterhood: Empowering Women Through Self-Discovery.
Many people go through their daily lives merely reacting to whatever comes their way. It is much more empowering to be able to decide how and when you will act in a given situation; thereby being proactive rather than reactive. Knowledge of self: personality, purpose and one's inherent abilities to realize that purpose provides the framework of achieving one's personal goals and being able to live fully in an unbalanced world.
Whether we agree with the concept or not, all of us play roles. One of the keys to being able to read and understand other people is to understand what roles they may be playing and what roles we tend to play. If we have a clearer understanding of how we behave in a given situation, it will give us more room to understand how we can make changes when our behavior isn't working for us; when we are not getting what we want.
What are some of the roles we play? It varies depending on our individual situation. Take students for example, what are some of the roles students play?
Some of the more concrete roles are:
- Eat, sleep, go to class
- Athlete
- Friend
- Chauffeur
- Employee
- Reader
And then on to more value driven roles:
- Learn to live with yourself
- Discover you identity
- Future Leader
The students were directed to an experiential activity. Roles were written on cards. The students were asked to stand around the room underneath the one role they believed was more indicative of the way they viewed their role at that point in time. Discussion and facilitation centered around personal value systems and how some students viewed their role broadly, while others were more interested in the here and now.
As the discussion continued, it became apparent that if not careful, judgment could creep into their comments about their chosen role. Upon further discussion, the students were able to see how language could cloud or confuse the meaning they wanted to convey and how easily their comments could be misconstrued.
For example, one student said that being a friend should be the most important part of being a college student. The facilitator asked the student to give her more detail and guided the student to an awareness of how the word "should" could alienate others and hinder further communication.
Celebrities were used to further explain roles and being a role-model. Some of the students were able to take the discussion to a more personal level and offered comments about people in their lives that were role models, but not necessarily well-known, for example, their parents, grandparents, teachers or friends. Others were more energized about discussing the perceptions of celebrities and if the global perception of a certain celebrity was warranted or even important for us to consider.
The idea was to engage the students in taking a closer look at what and who they valued and admired. At the end of the discussion, students were able to articulate why they valued someone important to them. This prompted the program into a discussion about leadership.
Successful Leadership begins with leading yourself.
Great Leadership leads beyond the ordinary to a higher ground.
Students identified leadership qualities and whether or not they were apparent in the people they had chosen as roles models. Students were also directed to take a closer look at themselves. Earlier in the program, they listed five roles they played and were asked if any of these were leadership roles.
The conversation directed them back to the idea that being a leader does not always mean that you will be recognized outwardly for your skills. Instead, it means that you are aware of your purpose and are utilizing your talents and strengths to realize your personal vision. The leadership is two-fold: 1) You realize your personal goals and 2) You influence others to do the same by your example.
Neither of these forms of leadership may show up as the CEO of a company, the director of an organization, or the class president. Instead, these forms of leadership may be quietly carried out behind the scenes; the person who shows up for work each day, the one who is a loyal friend, the parent who is tirelessly there for his/her children, the person who raises funds for a charitable event. The list goes on and on. What is important is the individual's focus and how that individual is directing his or her energy into achieving their goals.
We all have the power to change the scripts we have been given. What is most important is that we are conscious of the changes we make. In the book, The Fabric of the Future, one section offers several perspectives on the theme "The Emerging Path: Questing for Wholeness". The process of becoming aware of our unique mix of personality traits as well as strengths and weaknesses help us along the pathway of becoming more whole, within ourselves, and in the long run will serve to improve our interactions with others.
"Determining your own aspects and tendencies will increase your understanding about why we are different and how we can work together to bring out the best in each other. When we stop judging each other, we give each other the space to express who we truly are. The positive feelings flow upward in a never-ending spiral of support, instead of moving downward into a pit of judgment. This supportive space is essential for the development of self-esteem. And when self-esteem is supported, communication and relationships improve. The result is individuals living and working together in harmony. It is possible."
Taken from The Seven Aspects of Sisterhood:
Empowering Women Through Self-Discovery.
